Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Of Lasers and Lame Asses




Lucasfilm has issued a cease-and-desist against Wicked Lasers - the manufacturer of theSpyder III Pro Arctic which has created quite a stir among wannabe Jedi worldwide.

The Star Wars firm is less than impressed with the "most dangerous laser ever created", and late last month informed Hong Kong-based Wicked Lasers: "It is apparent from the design of the Pro Arctic Laser that it was intended to resemble the hilts of our lightsaber swords, which are protected by copyright.

Court is now in session.

Oh Boy George you're at it again. Suing a Laser company for making a hand held laser that looks like a lightsaber. So lets define what a lightsaber is. "A sword having a blade made of a powerful beam of light, found in speculative fiction." Ok. Now what is the definition of a Laser? It is an acronym. "Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation"

Maybe it's just me but that sounds like a really fancy way to say powerful beam of light. A laser produces a thin beam of light that is monochromatic and coherent, meaning that the beam is one color and each wave of light travels in step. The laser process begins when energy enters and begins to strike the atoms in a system. The stimulated atoms give off energy in the form of light. This emitted light reflects back and forth between the ends of a cylinder, one end being a fully reflecting mirror and one end being a partially reflecting mirror. The light continues to excite more and more atoms, and finally the atoms contain enough energy to burst through the partially reflecting mirror in a beam of light.

Guess what George? You weren't the first one to imagine a laser. In 1916 Albert Einstein discovered a process called stimulated emission involving the interaction between electromagnetic radiation and atomic energy states. So guess what George? Einstein laid the groundwork for a laser 61 years before your beloved star wars came out in 1977.

What's that you say George? That isn't enough to get it thrown out of court? Oh. In that case. In 1960, 17 Years Before the first Star wars movie, Theodore Maiman made a working model which was considered to be the first optical or light laser.

George Could you please stop whimpering? The Jury can't understand what you are saying through your sobs.

Court will be adjourned until we can find someone who speaks "whiny little bitch" to translate for us.

(30 Minutes Later)

Court is now back in session.

Could you please translate what Mr. Lucas is saying? He says "their laser sure looks a lot like that imaginary device I thought up."

Well George maybe you missed the explanation of how a laser works. Light travels back and forth between 2 ends of a Cylinder. A laser has to be a cylinder. And the companies objective was to make a hand held laser. So guess what George? No matter what they make it's going to look like a hand held Cylinder. Just like your precious lightsaber.

And if people were to sue everyone that made things that looked like something else, Leo Gerstenzang would be suing hundreds of companies that put cotton on the end of a cardboard stick and make something that looks like a Q-tip. Levi Strauss would be suing hundreds of companies that make pants that look like theirs. Malt-o-Meal would be tied up in court for years for making cereals that look like every other cereal in america.

At least those examples are real things. You thought up a fictional little toy. Maybe Mike Myers should sue the first person that takes one of these frickin hand held lasers and straps it to a sharks head. Speaking of heads, Pull yours out of your ass. Wicked Lasers made A real hand held laser. And you want to punish them for it? Why doesn't Isaac Asimov sue half the world for making robots or a slew of other things that look like something he described in his science fiction Novels? Oh, let me tell you why. Because he isn't a whiny little Bitch. Or maybe, just maybe, Giancarlo Giannini should sue your parents for making you look just a little too much like him.














George you of all people should know that "Always two there are, a master and an apprentice" You are just afraid that Wicked Lasers Inc. is the apprentice that surpassed the master. Well, "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." And since "A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack" Maybe you should calm the F down and let these people do their jobs and Further science. Oh and if Yoda were here he would say "Shove your 3.5 Billion dollar empire up your ass you should."

Case Dismissed.